**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize