i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
