How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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