OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
