Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
