I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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