Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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