Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
