dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
