i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
