Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize