You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
