i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
