You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
