he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
