Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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