i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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