i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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