If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Randomize
