How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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