I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
time to smoke my breakfast
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
