just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
