your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize