I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
