We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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