just come out here and I will go home with you...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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