she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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