Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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