During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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