Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
