Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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