You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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