You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
