he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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