i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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