I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
