If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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