I want to stick my p in your. b.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
