vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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