I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
