ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
