my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
