if you like me you must not know who I am
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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