I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
