i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
