last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
