They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
