I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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