Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
