david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
