she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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