I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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