I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
