last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
