listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
