I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
