there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
