i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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