Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
