dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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