So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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