I just made out with a guy for $7.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
