If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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