Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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