Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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