um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
